We all have an ongoing inner dialogue that shapes our experience of ourselves and the world around us. What we say to ourselves matters so much. In our classes this month we did a clearing on some of the most toxic words that we often allow to control our reality: Should and should have. The results were powerful.
Should is in the future. Should have (and should have not) is in the past. Neither of these are real in present time. These concepts can become ensconced in our realities, offering nothing of value and only taking; taking energy, taking joy, taking precious time and attention. We give them more and more attention and become our own oppressors.
Take a moment to notice the shoulds in your world. Maybe you should work more, or work less. Maybe you should be a better parent, or partner, or find a partner. Maybe you should make more money or spend less money, or both. When we don’t question thoughts, they just seem like truth. I invite you to confront the shoulds. Now I know some of you are thinking, “but I really should spend less,” or, “I really should lose weight.”
Perhaps it would be to your highest good to honor money with wisdom, to treat your body better, or to do whatever other thing. However, the answer to this is self-love. If you take the should out and practice self-love, whatever action is to your highest becomes a reflection of truly valuing yourself, without the punishing should.
And, what about should haves? Those can be relentless. As we reprocess that which has already occurred in linear time, we fill our experience with joy-killing vibrations like shame and regret. Whew!
If you are holding shoulds and/or should haves (or should have nots), please notice how they make you feel. You deserve better. You deserve to be treated better by the most important person you know: You.